Pondering

I sit and ponder about the people passing by,
I wonder, how broken are they inside?
I watch their walk, and the way they speak.
I watch their eyes, and see what their soul is trying to leak.

I sit on my own and think of the people I know,
Are they happy on the inside? Or is it just a show.

Are they at peace with their past?
Are they going about their lives too fast?
Do they appreciate the little things in life?
Or maybe they are always in a strife.

I sit and ponder about how similar I may be,
With the stranger that is standing, in line, next to me.
Have they hit rock bottom?
Have they reached their dreams?
Have they overcome their horrible fear?

We are used to comparing each other up front,
Comparing our skin, our hair, our height.
But then I realized,
How foolish we have been,
Because we are all the same under our skin.

Our bones, our hearts, our veins, our soul,
Have all been created by the same source.

So, I sit and ponder about the people passing by,
And now I know, we are all hiding feelings inside.
We do not know the struggle that may be drowning their soul,
We do not know the trouble causing them not to reach their goal.

Next time you sit and watch the people around you,
Remember they may be struggling, just like you.
So smile to strangers, and lend a helping hand when needed,
Because one day you could be the one that needs to receive it.

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Loss, over & over again

My eyes have cried,
My hands have trembled,
My sleepless nights consist of thinking about you.

My heart was aching,
My scars wide open,
My breath was taken away.

I yelled,
I cussed,
I completely broke down.
My faith was dragged across the ground.

I was hopeless
I was confused,
I was taken completely off guard.

Years have passed,
Nothing has changed.
The pain still stings the same.

Memories of you live,
I make sure of that,
I speak on and on,
About all you are, were, to me.

The pain will never truly go away.
We will push it to the side,
Try to move on with our lives.

But then every now and then,
Nights will be filled with dreams of the dead.
Hearts will ache for their loss all over again.
Our wounds will split right open,
Then we will slowly nurse ourselves to heal.

And that process goes on and on,
Until one day, we stop to breathe.

I Just Want To Leave

Contemplating whether I should be a responsible adult and stay in my job, or whether I should quit what I do, leave where I was born and raised, and just try to start a life where I would rather be.

It is not easy immigrating to a new country especially when you do not already have a job offer there, but I feel like it would all be worth the struggle.

Then again, wouldn’t I be considered a horrible daughter just leaving my parents behind when they want me with them?

All these Arabs ways of life and expectations; how I wish I could rip them away from me. All these Arab “traditions” and “customs”, how I wish I could tell my parents I do not care about all of them. I do not care about what is expected from an Arab female and what is inappropriate for an Arab female to do.

I dream of the day that I pack my bags and never look back on this place.

Spoil Yourself

Spoil youself,
Go ahead,
Don’t be shy.

Buy yourself some flowers,
Go for a bike ride.

Purchase a new book,
Or go watch a movie by yourself.

Nothing wrong with some alone time,
Go ahead and spoil yourself.

Go have dinner at one of your faviorite spots,
Or go buy some bread, and feed them to a flock.

Don’t double think this,
Don’t worry about being alone.
Go ahead and spoil yourself,
enjoy some time alone.

It’s Always A Good Time To Give

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One of the most beautiful feelings in the world is when you give knowing you will not receive anything in return.

A couple of my friends and I put in some money together and went shopping for hygiene products. With the support of our exchange student program, Kenndy-Lugar Youth Exchange and Study (YES), we decided we wanted to make hygiene packages and give them out to gas station workers around Qatar. We bought 40, shampoo bottles, bars of saop, tooth pastes, tooth brushes, ear buds and wet wipes, and of course plastic ziplock bags to package them in.

I took them all home and spent three hours removing prices, printing logos, and putting them all together. Knowing that they were going to people that would appreciate them, I was very motivated and was working with a big smile on my face.

Putting the 40 simple packages together did not cost much and was not very time consuming. It is a small idea, however, a powerful gesture for the men that will receive them. We want them to know, that even though we do not show it much, we really appreciate all the work they do for the citizens and residents of Qatar. We want them to know that their hard work, and their patiences while standing outside all day in the heat and humidity is taken notice for and we appreciate everything they do.

We will be giving out the packages in the next few days. I will write a post sharing pictures of the men we gave the packages too.

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That Is How I Found The Beauty Within Me

I bought three packs of colors the other day. You know, I realized I needed to color my life. A pack of markers, a pack of crayons and a pack of pencil colors. I sat down on my bed, with a white sheet of paper in front of me and a pencil in my hand. “What am I suppose to do? I don’t even know how to draw”, I thought to myself. I got a ruler out and began to draw lines. Not knowing where to stop, or what to create, I just kept drawing lines. They went around, across and in between. Of course none were the same size, and neither were the spaces they created. I even got a circular box and began adding circles to my lines. By the time I was done with it I realized it was too crowded and chaotic to even add colors. It was too much of a disaster to make it beautiful.

After a few minutes of staring at this scribble filled paper, I decided to erase parts. I unwrapped a new white rubber and began to take away parts of my madness. I erased a few lines here and there. I erased a few circles and drew them elsewhere. I took my sweet, sweet time, and really looked at this piece with determination. After a while, I sat back and drew a smile on my face because I could honestly say I was proud of these lines and circles I had drawn. It was nothing special, nothing huge, but it just looked nice to me.

I then popped out my pencil colors and began to add beauty to the lines. I used various colors, and that really made me feel happy. Simplicity always did make me happy. I spent an afternoon on my bed working at this piece of paper and at the end of the evening I was filled with joy that I had finished it, and I did it so well.

That night, while I was in bed, I compared that paper to my life. I realized, that is what I had to do to add color to my life. I needed to take a step back and look at my messy self and decide, what I wanted to keep, or I should say, who I wanted to keep in my life. I had to decided what needed to be changed, what needed to be altered, and what needed to be completely pushed away.

That’s what I did. The next day, I began to work on myself. I erased and adjusted, I experimented and decided what I wanted and what I didn’t want anymore. A week later I noticed all the new colors that were automatically added to my life. I noticed the bright and the light. I noticed the bits of shades and pretty darks. I began to see the beauty I hold.

Once you start seeing the beauty within you, the beauty you hold, there is no going back from there.