He’ll never admit it

I know he still loves me. I catch him staring at me when he thinks I’m not looking. I notice the way he acts differently when I’m around. If he didn’t still love me, he would treat me just like any other person, but he doesn’t. I hear the hesitation in his voice before he says my name. I see the curiosity in his eyes when I talk about something and he wants to know more but he doesn’t want to be the one that asks. I know he still loves me. I know he still cares. But he’ll never admit it to me. He’ll never admit it to himself.

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Book Review – Local Girl Missing

Local Girl Missing by Claire Douglas, was a great read. I finished the book in three days because, well, I had a lot of free time on my hands, and I just couldn’t put it down. I kept wanting to know what was going to happen next!

The book is about a 21 year old girl, named Sophie, that goes missing in a small town and it breaks her best friends heart. After almost 20 years, Sophie’s brother Daniel and her best friend Francesca go back to the old town and look for answers.

There is a huge twist in the book that makes you question so much! The end, was definitely a shocker but it was a very good ending! 

To Him

For days and weeks I was distracted from work, life, and family. I had sleepless nights because all I thought about was, what did I do wrong.

What did I do that you felt so comfortable pushing me away?

What did I say that you thought it was fine to walk away without saying a word?

Where did I go wrong, that you did not feel any guilt ignoring me and going about your life like I was no one important to you?

I felt horrible about myself. I felt worthless and unimportant. I felt incapable of being loved.

You made me doubt myself, my abilities, and my choices in life.

You made me doubt my character and my way of living.

However, after all that, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for breaking me, and teaching me how to put myself back together alone.

Thank you for making me feel bad about myself because now I am a much more confident soul.

Thank you for walking away, because when you left I found myself, and I learned my true worth.

When I thought there was something wrong with me, I eventually began to think clearer, see clearer and realize, there was nothing ever wrong with me, but everything wrong with you.

I was so blinded by your charisma that I never noticed you had zero personality. You spoke to people like they were beneath you just to make yourself feel better because you knew you had no character.

You build your muscles to cover up your weak soul.

You never have proper conversations with people because you don’t know how to keep an interesting conversation going.

You lack knowledge, you lack life, you lack love.

That is why I thank you, because of your weakness and insecurity, I found my light and strength.

Words of a book I would never write #3

She stood in the middle of the crowd waiting to spot him. People rushed by, pushing and shoving, trying to get to where they were going. She just stood there and waited.

She wanted to have the first glimpse. As she was turning in her place she saw him in between the chaos. He stood there in his white polo and dark blue jeans. Clean shaved and hair cut fresh. His big, hazel eyes stood out from the crowd, and suddenly the place went quiet to her. She couldn’t hear the noise of the people around. Everything seemed to slow down to her eyes.

He noticed her and the widest, brightest smile appeared on his face, which made her heart race. Without even thinking, she was running and pushing through the crowed to get to him. Jumping into his arms, emotions ran through her and she knew, she knew, this is what it felt like to be home.

Home?

What is home to you?

Is home where you grew up?

Is home where you originated from?

Is home in between the four walls you call your comfort zone?

Is home where your mother lays her head at night?

Is home where you have the back alleys all memorized?

Is home where you got your education and threw your cap?

Is home where you met your significant other? or where you started a family?

Is home where you scrapped your knees and counted the trees you passed?

Is home under the roof you built? the stones you put together?

Is home where you find he comfort of your friends?

What is home to you?

My love

I want to hear your thoughts,I want to hear your words.

I want to see your actions,

I want to see your reactions. 

I want to feel your happiness,

I want to feel your sorrow. 

I want to know your opinions,

I want to know your points.

I want to hear your voice,

I want to see your face,

I want to feel your lips,

I want to know your ways.

I want to live your life, 

Right by your side.

I want you to know,

My love,

My feelings for you will never die.

Rain

I woke up to the sound of rain hitting my bedroom window this morning, and it put the biggest smile on my face.

For the first time in a long time I actually woke up happy. Yes, from something as simple as rain!

Many people find winter and rain depressing or gloomy were as I find it beautiful and calming. I love the sound of rain on windows and pavements. I love the feeling of raindrops on my clothes, face and hair.

Something about rain always gives me hope for a better day. Rain just makes me think of freedom.

I always have to be outdoors when it rains. Either sitting on the front porch or literally standing under the rain.

I feel refreashed, cleansed, when I’m getting soaked by the rain drops. I feel at peace with myself.

The feeling after the rain has stopped is also so beautiful to me. There’s a cold breeze and I dry myself up, and wrap myself with something warm.

I enjoy taking a drive and just looking at the wet streets. The smell of the plants after they have been soaked is refreshing, and everything just looks clean.