One line

I know it’s wrong, I know it’s not meant to be, but how do I tell my heart how to feel? 

Summer Enchantment

Heartbeats and butterflies,

Sunsets and mountain views.

Road trips and long walks,

Late nights and random cruises.

Tan lines, and wine stains,

Cigarette smoke, and long tales.

Warm hugs and honest words,

Forehead kisses and a hand to hold.

Smiles that brighten the eyes and laughter that fills the air.

Lips that kiss the flesh and arms that hold the soul. 

Bodies that become one, and moans that vibrate the veins. 

Momma Warned Me

My momma warned me about drugs and alcohol. She warned me about different kinds of trouble.

My momma warned me about fights and late nights. She warned me about strangers and cars.

My momma warned me about lies and heart breaks. She warned me about bad boys and their mistakes.

But my momma never warned me about American boys with blue eyes. She never warned me about their sweet words, and smile.

My momma never warned me about late night talks and long kisses. She never warned me about hearts that get stolen without the thief knowing.

My momma never warned me about sleepless nights filled with thinking. She never warned me about the American boy, with blue eyes, that has my head spinning.

Words

How can I put into words the way my heart beats while I am around you?

How can I put into words the peacefulness my soul feel because of you?

You entered my life out of the blue, and swept me away on day two.

I was mesmerized, wowed, blown away, all by the things you had to say. I fell for the way you spoke, and the way you sang. I fell for your words, your opinions, your points.

Your smile and eyes, your sweet gestures and laugh, those all helped ignite my addiction. With every moment I spent with you, my craving for you grew.

You awoke a part of me that I had believed to be long gone. Vibes rushed through my body like never before. You gave me feelings I never knew I had.

I surrendered myself to you and you handled me with so much passion and care. You took me to a world I didn’t know existed. I never knew one person could fill me up with so much happiness and joy.

I was always happy on my own, but since you entered my life, you made me the happiest human on this globe.

Drinking the anger away

It wasn’t until months after you left that I realized I had a drinking problem. I guess it started after our last and final goodbye. I was not devastated that we were going our separate ways, however, what got me was the main reason for our separation. What got me was how I finally found out the truth about who you really are, and that of course made me realize that our moments and memories, our history was all a big lie.

It was a game for you, and boy did you play it well. You played me really well. Your actions, your words, your thoughts, your generosity, it was like a screen play. I should have stood up and applauded once the final curtains closed, because damn, you really put on a show.

I turned to alcohol because it made me happy. It helped me free my mind and enjoy the simple things that surrounded me. I stopped feeling stupid for what you did to me. I never blamed myself for your lack of respect and dead brain cells. I just felt stupid that I was too blinded by your dark eyes and bright side smile to realize what you were really doing.

After the first few cups I began to let go of all the anger and hate I had towards you. The drinks wrapped their warmth around my soft heart and made me realize you were not worth holding a grudge over. Drinking made me realize that you really are not that important for me to wallow in sorrow.

A few days would pass and I would be fine, but then something would appear and I was back to hating you. The boiling rage that filled my body, was back, and wrapped itself around my soul, all because of you.

The thought of you made me cringe. It made me want to shower for hours to get your stink off my skin. It made me want burn my flesh off so I can forget how it felt to be touched by you. I wanted to go blind so I would never have to see another picture of you, and I knew eventually your image would erase from my brain.

At first I used to think you took my breath away from all you sweet actions and beautiful words, but then I realized I was just being suffocated by your lies. Lies that I did not notice until a little too late. Lies that I did not notice until the right person began pointing them out to me.

The alcohol helped me move on. The rounds of beers and Madurai sours mad me stronger. The vodka mixes and strawberry champagne made me feel more at peace with myself.  They made me let go of all the loathe I had inside of me, because of you.

And now, so many months after it all, I feel better. I feel fuller with happiness. I let go of all the negative feelings that I had bottled up towards you, because they were only hurting me. Those scarce moments you cross my mind, I feel petty towards you. I feel bad, that your poor decisions ruined the innocent soul you once used to be.

 

 

Pondering

I sit and ponder about the people passing by,
I wonder, how broken are they inside?
I watch their walk, and the way they speak.
I watch their eyes, and see what their soul is trying to leak.

I sit on my own and think of the people I know,
Are they happy on the inside? Or is it just a show.

Are they at peace with their past?
Are they going about their lives too fast?
Do they appreciate the little things in life?
Or maybe they are always in a strife.

I sit and ponder about how similar I may be,
With the stranger that is standing, in line, next to me.
Have they hit rock bottom?
Have they reached their dreams?
Have they overcome their horrible fear?

We are used to comparing each other up front,
Comparing our skin, our hair, our height.
But then I realized,
How foolish we have been,
Because we are all the same under our skin.

Our bones, our hearts, our veins, our soul,
Have all been created by the same source.

So, I sit and ponder about the people passing by,
And now I know, we are all hiding feelings inside.
We do not know the struggle that may be drowning their soul,
We do not know the trouble causing them not to reach their goal.

Next time you sit and watch the people around you,
Remember they may be struggling, just like you.
So smile to strangers, and lend a helping hand when needed,
Because one day you could be the one that needs to receive it.

Random 103

She is fragile,
Like a dandelion on a day with a slight breeze.
She is beautiful,
Like a park in spring filled with dogwood trees.

She will leave you breathless,
Like the sight of the Baatara Gorge waterful in Lebanon.
She will leave you filled with warmth,
Like the sight of a newborn.

Random 102

In that single moment,
When our eyes locked,
And nothing in me moved;

In that single moment,
I knew,
I was long gone over you.

You

The city lights at night remind me of you,
I’m not sure why, they just do.

I sit there and wonder,
Where you might be.
I sit there and wonder,
If you ever think of me.

Do I cross your mind?
Do I appear in your dreams?
Do you still smile,
When you think of me?

Am I pain from your past,
Or am I a sweet memory?
I just sit there and wonder,
If you ever think of me.

Years go by,
We grow,
We change,
but a piece of my heart,
Will forever,
be yours to keep.

Random 101

He wants me because of my body,
He wants me because of my hair,
He wants me because of my lips,
Not because he cares.

He wants me because I walk tall,
He wants me because I’m well dressed,
He wants me because I’m fun,
Not because he thinks I’m the one.

He wants me because I’m “a turn on”,
He wants me because I get him hard,
He wants me because of his fantasies,
Not because of my heart.

When guys like this come your way,
Smile real nice and walk away,
Don’t be angry, rude, or mean,
Show that loser,
the ass he’ll never touch.