He’ll never admit it

I know he still loves me. I catch him staring at me when he thinks I’m not looking. I notice the way he acts differently when I’m around. If he didn’t still love me, he would treat me just like any other person, but he doesn’t. I hear the hesitation in his voice before he says my name. I see the curiosity in his eyes when I talk about something and he wants to know more but he doesn’t want to be the one that asks. I know he still loves me. I know he still cares. But he’ll never admit it to me. He’ll never admit it to himself.

Leading someone on

Is it not the sweetest feeling when you meet someone and there is a click. You start speaking regularly, and you get butterflies. You look forward to the phone calls throughout the day and the sweet goodnight messages. You get that ‘awww’ feeling when you wake up with a good morning message, and when you see them in person your heart just skips a beat.

This goes on for a month or two, and then you admit that this person has become a part of your life. Not speaking to them daily just feels wrong.

And then, when you least expect it, right out of the blues, they just cut you off. They take a long time to reply, they speak more formally, or they just stop replying. You, of course, feel absolutely horrible. How else would you feel?

You let it go on for a couple of days while you feel absolutely worthless, then you decide to mention it to the person. There are two ways they would react to this. One way is where they would act like they are the nice, and thoughtful person and say they don’t want to hurt you. They will say something along the lines of, “I think I’m falling in love with you, and I just don’t want to hurt you at the end. You’re a wonderful and sweet person and I don’t want to ruin our friendship”(even though there is no friendship to pick up after all this). When they play the good guy/girl, that makes you feel even worse, but it shouldn’t.

The second way they would react to such a situation, is by becoming rude and mean. They start belittling you with every word they say, and make you think that you’re crazy. They make you feel like you were in your own bubble and the feelings and emotions were just coming from you, not them as well. That, makes you feel stupid.

No matter what way they react it will hurt, but you should always remember that they are the ones that have done you wrong by leading you on in the first place if they didn’t intend to stay in your life.

There is no excuse that could justify a person when they lead someone else on without the intend of loving them. I believe, a person that leads someone else on and then cuts them off just does it because they have low self-esteem and they want to feel special for a while and then just disappear when they have had enough. They only try to make themselves feel better, and they do not truly care about the other person.

I know, I know, some of you are thinking, but it felt so real.. how can someone show so much love and passion towards an individual and then just forget it, right? Well, some people are just ill and see this as a game. Maybe they try to see how many people they can get interested in them and then just walk away. It is disgusting to know that there are humans that do that.

At the end, just remember, YOU are better than them. YOU are worthy of so much more. YOU will find someone who truly deserves you.

They might come back to you later when they realize they have made a mistake, but at the end there are only two types of people in the world, the ones you can forgive and the ones you need to forget. People that lead you on with no intentions of actually going further in the relationship, are the ones that you need to forget.

Five-years-old

Little girl, five years old,
Ran home, ready to throw herself in her daddy’s arms.

Walking up the stairs, and through the door,
She saw her siblings, barely holding on.

Tears in their eyes, trying not to break down,
Trying to stay strong, for the youngest child

Smart girl she was,
She knew what was wrong,
Daddy would no longer be coming home.

Aware of the world at a very young age,
She understood he was killed,
God took him away.

She ran through the house,
Looking for mom,
But mom was nowhere to be found.

Weak women, she was,
Always had bad thoughts.
Too distort to cope,
She took her own life.

So the little girl sat down on the floor,
Wrapped in the love of her siblings arms.
With the house dogs around them,
And the silence of loss,
These little kids,
Lost hope in God.

You knew exactly what you had, you just never thought they would leave

There’s this quote I always read that says, “You never know what you have until it’s gone”. Then there is another quote that says, “You knew exactly what you had, you just never thought they would leave”.

That second quote, is accurate on SO many levels, specially when you are in a relationship. When you are with someone, there are things you do that bother them. Of course, there will be things that they do that bother you as well. Now, some people do not tell their partner what bothers them but you can tell when they don’t like something you do.

Once you know that specific actions bother the person you love, you should change them, or adjust them. A person should not be the only reason for your change, but if it is something you can live without, then why not. Show the person that you care about what they think and how they feel, and make a difference. Your person should have a good reason though on why they are getting bothered by your actions.

I have changed a lot throughout the years. Everyone changes even when they don’t realize it. I’ve made a lot of alterations, you can say, to my life, to my friends, to my points of view, and to myself. everything that changed was because I wanted to change it. However, some things were derived by other people.

I changed a bunch of stuff in my life for the man I love. Somethings I wish I changed earlier in my relationship, so he could feel how much I actually cared about his perspective and his opinion, instead of me just saying I do.

Now people may say that who ever wants to be with you has to accept everything about you as a whole and not want you to change. That, in my opinion is wrong. There will always be things that bother you about the person you love. They won’t force you to change, but out of respect and love, you will change.

If you keep repeating an action that your partner does not like they will eventually get up and leave. You cannot just expect them to wake up one day and decide something that bothers them is okay. When they actually leave you are going to regret not stopping some bad habit for them, or not adjusting an action for them.

Somethings in your life may be normal to you, but not normal to them, and vise versa. Somethings could be very normal to your partner, but to you it is not acceptable whatsoever. That is why compromise, and change is needed in all relationships. You will never meet someone who is exactly the way you always wanted. With the characteristics, and personality you have dreamed of. Great relationships aren’t great because your partner is perfect, they are great because you and your partner work together to keep each other happy. You both respect each others thoughts and opinions and you compromise to make sure that no one is hurting the other.