Things get worse,

Life gets harder,

People become rude,

Friends pick up and leave for good.

Siblings stop talking,

Money runs out,

Storms pick up and destroy everything in sight. 

Hope gets lost,

Patience runs out,

Sickness overcomes,

Nothing remains but to tap out. 

My Beautiful

My hair is not always in place,
My nails are not always painted neatly.
My face is not always clear,
Makeup does not always cover my face.
My clothes are not always ironed right,
And the colors I wear don’t always match.
I don’t have a sweet laugh,
But rather an obnoxious one.
My teeth are not perfect,
And my smile is not always straight.
My voice is not always soft,
My words are not always graceful.
My eating can be messy,
And if the drink is good then there could be a slurp at the end.
I don’t always have good days,
I can be mean when I’m mad.
But even though,
My character is strong,
My soul is sensitive.
My hand is always held out to help,
My arms are always welcoming to new and old friends.
I can strike up a conversation with a total stranger,
I can strike up a conversation with an animal.
I am genuine,
I am straightforward,
I am honest,
I am caring.
And that, that is my beautiful.

He’ll never admit it

I know he still loves me. I catch him staring at me when he thinks I’m not looking. I notice the way he acts differently when I’m around. If he didn’t still love me, he would treat me just like any other person, but he doesn’t. I hear the hesitation in his voice before he says my name. I see the curiosity in his eyes when I talk about something and he wants to know more but he doesn’t want to be the one that asks. I know he still loves me. I know he still cares. But he’ll never admit it to me. He’ll never admit it to himself.

To Him

For days and weeks I was distracted from work, life, and family. I had sleepless nights because all I thought about was, what did I do wrong.

What did I do that you felt so comfortable pushing me away?

What did I say that you thought it was fine to walk away without saying a word?

Where did I go wrong, that you did not feel any guilt ignoring me and going about your life like I was no one important to you?

I felt horrible about myself. I felt worthless and unimportant. I felt incapable of being loved.

You made me doubt myself, my abilities, and my choices in life.

You made me doubt my character and my way of living.

However, after all that, I want to say thank you.

Thank you for breaking me, and teaching me how to put myself back together alone.

Thank you for making me feel bad about myself because now I am a much more confident soul.

Thank you for walking away, because when you left I found myself, and I learned my true worth.

When I thought there was something wrong with me, I eventually began to think clearer, see clearer and realize, there was nothing ever wrong with me, but everything wrong with you.

I was so blinded by your charisma that I never noticed you had zero personality. You spoke to people like they were beneath you just to make yourself feel better because you knew you had no character.

You build your muscles to cover up your weak soul.

You never have proper conversations with people because you don’t know how to keep an interesting conversation going.

You lack knowledge, you lack life, you lack love.

That is why I thank you, because of your weakness and insecurity, I found my light and strength.

Home?

What is home to you?

Is home where you grew up?

Is home where you originated from?

Is home in between the four walls you call your comfort zone?

Is home where your mother lays her head at night?

Is home where you have the back alleys all memorized?

Is home where you got your education and threw your cap?

Is home where you met your significant other? or where you started a family?

Is home where you scrapped your knees and counted the trees you passed?

Is home under the roof you built? the stones you put together?

Is home where you find he comfort of your friends?

What is home to you?

Dealing with a Pessimist

A pessimist is, “a person who habitually sees or anticipates the worst or is disposed to be gloomy”. (www.dictionary.com/browse/pessimist)

Dealing with a pessimist is hard. They are always so negative, they always complain, and they think everyone in the world is out to get them. They think they have the worst possible luck on this planet, and it is just exhausting trying to keep up with them.

Someone very dear to my heart is a huge pessimist. He is always sad, or angry, and always blames everything and everyone for his misfortune. He is never the type to stop for a second and think maybe his actions led him here, or that maybe if he did something different in his life things would look brighter.

He is a kindhearted human, with such a sweet, yet damaged soul, and it breaks my heart seeing him so negative.

First and for most, when dealing with a pessimist, you need to make it clear to them that you will always be there for them. You should regularly ask about them, even if they don’t ask about you.

My sweet yet negative friend only asks about me when he needs something. That never bothers me because that’s what I’m here for. However, I will text him or give him a call every now and then to see how he is doing and how things are going.

Second, you should always have a positive attitude when speaking to them. Always have a cheerful tone of voice, and be supportive to anything they say. Pessimist are not looking for a solution, they are looking for someone to listen.

When my dear friend starts complaining, I always listen to everything he has to say and ask questions about his situation to try and understand his perspective more. Many times I use his words and situation and talk about the bright side of things. Sometimes, I make fun of his situation but in a sensitive way. I make him laugh at himself and he understands that he is just overreacting.

When talking to your pessimist friend, don’t just make the conversation about them. Even if they don’t ask you, you should speak about yourself. Tell them whats going in your life, and talk about things you might be going through.

I talk to my friend about different events happening around town. I tell him about whats been happening in my life and how I’ve been spending my days. I talk about things I know he’ll like, too. For instants, new movies that came out, a new episode of a show we watch, or even a new song or album but one of his favorite artists/bands. Even if he doesn’t ask, I tell him whats been happening with our friends, or family members. I always try and make him feel like he is apart of my life and a part of our friends circle.

Pessimist are very hard on themselves. Some of them think they are not smart, or worthy, or good enough for anything in life. A lot of them keep their circle very small because they think they might be overwhelming for other people. They also think that most people judge them and it makes them want to stay at home and not be social. That is why it is important to include your pessimist friend in outings and different things you do. Make them feel welcome.

Being realistic with your pessimist friend is crucial. Do not lie to them about what you think or how you feel. You don’t want to be rude, but at the same time you don’t want to just sugarcoat everything. You want your friend to eventually get out of this stage in their life. You want them to realize that good and bad things happen to everyone and that they cannot just concentrate on the bad. They have to keep track of the good, and realize that many times in life they have to pick themselves up and be their own number one supporter and motivator.

Most importantly, what I find, is never compare your pessimist friends issues, or situations to anyone or anything else. They will just hate it when they are being compared to starving kids in Africa, or war torn countries in the middle east.

16/08/2016

I don’t think of you as much anymore. You don’t randomly pop into my mind or appear in my dreams. I don’t suddenly hear your voice in my head giving me advice, or feeding me more lies. I don’t miss you. I don’t long for you. I don’t have love in my heart anymore for you.

But I have to admit, every time I hear your name spoken I flinch. Every time I see a picture of us, or of you, my heart fills with pain. I still hurt. I still drown in anguish from those dark brown eyes. I can’t look at a picture of you for more than 5 seconds before I feel the need to cry, or break my screen.

You broke me. Right when I thought I put myself back together. You broke me, again.

But this time felt a lot worse than the first time. Whenever I hear your name, or see your face I’m choked by all the lies you ever told me. I suffocate with the words that I will never know if they were true, or if they were the words you told her, too.

Years have gone by, and it kills me to say, your name and picture still ruin my day.

Eventually, this will all stop. The pain will go, and your name will leave my memory, along with how you look and all the things you have done. You will never be a regret, just a lesson learned, and a person to never cross paths with again.