He’ll never admit it

I know he still loves me. I catch him staring at me when he thinks I’m not looking. I notice the way he acts differently when I’m around. If he didn’t still love me, he would treat me just like any other person, but he doesn’t. I hear the hesitation in his voice before he says my name. I see the curiosity in his eyes when I talk about something and he wants to know more but he doesn’t want to be the one that asks. I know he still loves me. I know he still cares. But he’ll never admit it to me. He’ll never admit it to himself.

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But Then There Was Him…

As I grew, I began to realize the beauty of this world.
The beauty of the Lebanese sunrise on the mediterranean;
The beauty of a star filled sky in Lubbock;
The beauty of the Christmas lights on the houses in Chicago.

As I grew, I began to understand the beauty of this world.
The beauty of helping an elder cross the street;
The beauty of feeding a stray animal that sits at the corner of the office;
The beauty of watching family members walk through the airport gates as they come home after a long time.

As I grew, I experienced the beauty of this world.
The beauty of walking the stage at graduation;
The beauty that comes from excitement while on an airplane;
The beauty of feeling independent at my first real job.

As I grew, I thought I had understood what true beauty in this world was,
But then there was him…

At that moment, I learned how to feel beauty with every fiber in my being.
The beauty of his lips on mine;
The beauty of his fingers on my skin;
The beauty of his warm breath on my neck;
The beauty in the sound of his heartbeat.

At that moment, I learned how to feel beauty with every fiber in my being.
The beauty of his single dimple that makes my heart rush;
The beauty of his dark eyes that make me blush;
The beauty of his voice every time he says a word.
The beauty in his tight hugs when he doesn’t want me to go.

At that moment, I learned how to feel beauty with every fiber in my being.
The beauty of falling asleep in his arms;
The beauty of waking up to his kiss;
The beauty of the fire we ignite;
The beauty of the passion in our chest.

And now, I know,
that beauty I felt,
will never come again,
except from him.