He’ll never admit it

I know he still loves me. I catch him staring at me when he thinks I’m not looking. I notice the way he acts differently when I’m around. If he didn’t still love me, he would treat me just like any other person, but he doesn’t. I hear the hesitation in his voice before he says my name. I see the curiosity in his eyes when I talk about something and he wants to know more but he doesn’t want to be the one that asks. I know he still loves me. I know he still cares. But he’ll never admit it to me. He’ll never admit it to himself.

Advertisements

Your voice is my strength

Suddenly one day, out of the blues I realized, your voice is the only voice that can calm me down. Your voice is the only voice that can truly put a smile on my face.

As I get depressed from different issues in my life I begin to isolate myself from friends and family. Other than my work colleagues (because I have to see them every morning), I avoid everyone once I get home. I lock myself in my room with a book and just disappear.

I try changing my mood myself. I turn some music on, but then that leads to sad music that puts me down even more. I turn on the TV but then you have all these romantic movies or happy family movies on every channel that make you feel worse.

Friends text me, and I avoid their messages as if I don’t have my phone with me. If I had to reply then I would lie saying I’m busy with work, or with the family, just because I don’t feel like putting on proper clothes and leaving the front door.

In the middle of all this isolation, I get a text from you and I can’t help but reply right that instance. You of course can tell when something is wrong even if I try to hide it through the letters of my words.

Even when I don’t want to hear my voice, I will talk for hours if it means I get to talk to you. On the phone, your voice smothers me with love and care. I feel more relaxed and free just by the sound of your laugh, or the funny noises you make to get me giggling. You can tell when I’m breaking down, and if I have cried that day just by the way I sound. No one can notice that like you. With me throwing random words out and not making sense at all, you still perfectly understand what I am trying to say.

That moment, that pure moment I realized, your voice is my strength. That specific moment I realized if it wasn’t for your voice and your care I would be at rock bottom not wanting to move or feel better.

Your voice gives me a reason to, smile and work hard. It gives me a reason to believe in a brighter future. That alone helps me get back up on my feet and gives me something to fight for when the whole world is crashing down on me.