I hit rock bottom.
I hit rock bottom and didn’t even want to get back up. I was tired and drained and I had lost all hope in a better me.
I doubted myself. I doubted my capabilities, my possibilities, and my power. My confidence was shattered and I didn’t care to work on myself.
I let go of life and began going with the flow, just like a dead fish would. I convinced myself I was okay. I convinced myself that I would become better, even though I wasn’t working on it.
I didn’t try, I didn’t care, I didn’t even want to get better. What was the use piecing myself back together when I was going to shatter again?
One day, out of the blue I thought to myself, I’m in a better place. I realized, I was happy and living my life again. I don’t remember when it happened, or how it even happened. I don’t remember how I got better without even realizing. But I did.
Sometime during those long dark nights, and coffee cups, something inside be began to mend, and it shined right through.
Something about him was familiar. I knew we never met before but his presence felt extremely familiar. Those bright eyes pierced me with comfort. That smile overwhelmed me with a cozy feeling.
How could you feel so familiar when our paths had never crossed before?
I was in a new city, surrounded by strange people, and everyday you stood out. I would smile, I would say hello, but for a confident person, I couldn’t summon up the courage to approach you and start a conversation.
On our last night in that interesting city I decided it was now or never. We ended up speaking for hours, and I understood how my soul got attracted to you before I knew anything about you.
You have a vibe that I haven’t been introduced to before. A personality of gold, and the more I got to know you, the more my heart wanted to hold on.
My insides did not just do jumping jacks all night, they started a protest inside of me to not let you walk out of my life.
As the sun started to come up I realized this night, that felt like a chapter out of my favorite romance novel, was about to end. You would be getting on a flight back home in a few hours, and I would be getting on a flight back to my home later that day.
How can a conversation with a stranger change so much in you? A couple of hours with you changed my point of view on important aspects in my life. Days later and your voice filled with advice and knowledge rings in my head. You left a print on my soul, and I sit and wonder if I left a print on yours.
He said I was a great writer, but I had to disagree,
You see those words on paper, I said, are just my honesty.
They represent my heart poured out through the tip of the pen,
They represent my soul’s language, through how my hand held the pen.
For writers are creative, and full of imagination,
While I am just drunk off our moments and memories.
Writers spend days to perfect a piece.
I don’t worry about perfection,
Because I am not perfect,
And neither is my heart or soul,
And they are my guide to writing.
Through these alphabet letters, I put side by side,
To create words, to help me describe,
My thoughts and feelings,
My love and addiction,
So I am not a writer really,
Not even a good one you see,
Because these words that make up meanings,
Are just my heart and soul
Spilled on a piece of paper,
As we grow up we learn various lessons. Lessons about life, love, family and friends. Lessons about hurt, pain and death. Some lessons we learn just by observing and soaking up our daily lives, while others we learn after hitting rock bottom. A lesson, I believe, that needs to be accepted and not stopped is, change.
Change surrounds us, we breath it in every second of every day. Change is the only thing that any one should be certain of in their complicated, and uncertain life. Whether we like it or not change will mingle with our days and mix with plans. Many people look at change as a destructive force, however, when known how to handle it, change tends to be the light at the end of a tunnel, or the push someone has been waiting for.
People must learn to just let change take over. keep your hands on the wheel just direct yourself to the current of change. It may mean needing to alter goals, or certain ways in life, but the faster change is accepted and understood the easier moving on will be.
My life became clearer and less of a jigsaw puzzle when I understood that nothing lasts, and nothing stays the same.
As you dose off into sleep,
The last moment you relive will be with me.
My words will trace your mind,
And my voice will be your worst lullaby.
The way you thought you tore me down,
Will burn your flesh on the inside.
Because of all you conjured up,
Your knees will tremble,
Your heart will hurt.
My memories will hunt,
And torment your soul.
The way you thought you broke me,
You will forever regret.
So remember this,
straight and clear,
For the next time you try to deceive.
You could never break A person who was never whole.
The immortal part of me,
It is a fire.
It is a fire that feeds off of your ways.
It feeds off of your voice and your words,
Your gaze and your eyes,
Your lips, and your touch.
My fire roars at the sight of you.
You start the spark that ignites my soul,
Lighting the insides of me with a blazing fire.
Because of you,
The fire inside of me cannot be tamed,
It runs wild and uncontrollable,
At the mere sight of you.
Let yourself go,
Free your soul,
Do something that excites you.
Take a break from your stress,
Step out of your mess,
Find a way for you to express.
Sing out loud,
Have a glass of wine or two.
Whatever it is,
Whatever you want,
Do it, let it revive you.
Get out of your grind,
Let your brain unwind,
Do something that chills out your state of mind.
Run a bubble bath at home,
Go to the salon,
Buy something new, and slip in on.
Whatever it is,
Whatever you want.
Do it, let it relax you.