The thoughts in my head suffocate me.
I drown in the waves that your memories have created.
I try to paddle through but my closed eyes can only imagine you.
While my ears ring from all the horrid words you said,
I choke on the phrases I never let flow out.
I am soaked in sweat and fear,
As this nightmare takes over me.
My body is flooded with pain,
Inert I lay, incapable of waking up,
I am powerless.
Turning to my right side in bed my eye catches the fire of the candle I left lit that night. I turn on my back and look at the curtains. It is still very dark outside, and all I see is the flickering of the lighting strikes. How beautiful, I thought, to wake up to the sound of the heavy rain pounding on your window. How soothing is it to hear the trees outside sway with the wind.
I turn to the clock on top of my bed and notice it says 4:00a.m. I notice I still have two hours and forty-five minutes before my alarm rings for work. I blow out the candle and curl up tight with my covers. As I doze off to the music of the weather I realize this is my happiness. That exact moment, is what peace feels like.
Is it not the sweetest feeling when you meet someone and there is a click. You start speaking regularly, and you get butterflies. You look forward to the phone calls throughout the day and the sweet goodnight messages. You get that ‘awww’ feeling when you wake up with a good morning message, and when you see them in person your heart just skips a beat.
This goes on for a month or two, and then you admit that this person has become a part of your life. Not speaking to them daily just feels wrong.
And then, when you least expect it, right out of the blues, they just cut you off. They take a long time to reply, they speak more formally, or they just stop replying. You, of course, feel absolutely horrible. How else would you feel?
You let it go on for a couple of days while you feel absolutely worthless, then you decide to mention it to the person. There are two ways they would react to this. One way is where they would act like they are the nice, and thoughtful person and say they don’t want to hurt you. They will say something along the lines of, “I think I’m falling in love with you, and I just don’t want to hurt you at the end. You’re a wonderful and sweet person and I don’t want to ruin our friendship”(even though there is no friendship to pick up after all this). When they play the good guy/girl, that makes you feel even worse, but it shouldn’t.
The second way they would react to such a situation, is by becoming rude and mean. They start belittling you with every word they say, and make you think that you’re crazy. They make you feel like you were in your own bubble and the feelings and emotions were just coming from you, not them as well. That, makes you feel stupid.
No matter what way they react it will hurt, but you should always remember that they are the ones that have done you wrong by leading you on in the first place if they didn’t intend to stay in your life.
There is no excuse that could justify a person when they lead someone else on without the intend of loving them. I believe, a person that leads someone else on and then cuts them off just does it because they have low self-esteem and they want to feel special for a while and then just disappear when they have had enough. They only try to make themselves feel better, and they do not truly care about the other person.
I know, I know, some of you are thinking, but it felt so real.. how can someone show so much love and passion towards an individual and then just forget it, right? Well, some people are just ill and see this as a game. Maybe they try to see how many people they can get interested in them and then just walk away. It is disgusting to know that there are humans that do that.
At the end, just remember, YOU are better than them. YOU are worthy of so much more. YOU will find someone who truly deserves you.
They might come back to you later when they realize they have made a mistake, but at the end there are only two types of people in the world, the ones you can forgive and the ones you need to forget. People that lead you on with no intentions of actually going further in the relationship, are the ones that you need to forget.
Happy New Year wonderful followers!
The first week of this year has been absolutely amazing.
The days have been so unexpected. Reconnecting with people I haven’t seen in years, and making new genuine friends. My days have been filled with so much laughter, drinking and more than once I’ve stayed awake to watch the sun rise.
Looking back at 2014, I have to say it was a good year with a few disappointments.
I got to travel to Lebanon and I graduated. I found an amazing job instantly and I got to meet lots of celebrities. I made friends that are very different from me, yet we have a special connection. I lost friends who I thought would always be there for me, but they turned out to be liars and fakes.
I learned that I can be a very patient person, and I learned how to control my anger. I also learned that I can hold a lot of anger in me.
I realized that not everything happens for a reason, and that not every situation has a teaching. Sometimes life just screws you over and you just have to keep going forward.
I realized that positivity is the key to everything. As long as you keep positive thoughts and have positive vibes around you, you will be at peace with yourself and happy.
There is a thin line between being positive and lying to yourself, so I learned to always be honest with myself, and instead of lying to make a situation seem better in my eyes, I just look at it from a different perspective until I see the positivity from it.
I wish everyone has a wonderful 2015. May you travel more, and discover yourself. May you be a positive impact on someone elses life. May you quit bad habits, and develop new healthier ones. May you always have love in your heart, light in your eyes, and a smile on your lips.
Happy 2015 Everybody!
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