His Smile Made Me Feel Accomplished

Since we began packing our house up to move we put aside all the clothes and shoes we wanted to donate.

Yesterday night, my sister and I took the big box and seven bags of shirts, pants, socks, bags, shoes, and hats to a donation box next to our house. As we were putting the bags in I noticed this young, poor man, from across the street just looking at us. I assume he was Indian. In Qatar, most of the expatriates from India, Nepal, Sri Lanka, and Pakistan work at construction sites on very little wage, live in bad conditions, and get mistreated by so many people that think they are better than them.
I wanted to give this young man some of my brothers’ old clothes but they were already put in the donation box and we couldn’t get them out. I found a small backpack and two caps we were donating, so I decided to give them to him.

I called for him from across the street “Excuse me”, waving my arm, “can you come please”? He didn’t move. I did it again and he looked behind him, he was confused on why I would call him. I yelled, “yes, you, could you please come?” He walked over and I realized he doesn’t speak any English or Arabic. I pulled up the backpack and asked him if he wanted it and he nodded his head and a huge smile spread across his face. He took it and put it on his back instantly and shook his head in a way of saying thank you.

My sister and I proceeded to putting the rest of the boxes in, and he kept standing close by just smiling at whoever passed.

His smile made me feel like I accomplished something so big in my life. I have always done volunteer work around the country, but most of the time I don’t see the reaction of the people we are helping.

Before I got in the car and drove away, I gave him some money so he could go have some dinner. At first he refused to take the money, but then I kept insisting, telling him to go buy food and water for himself. He took the money and that smile just shined brighter.

Honestly, with all the disasters going on in my life, this mans’ smile made me feel at peace. I am definitely going to start doing some of my own volunteer work just to see more smiles like that.

Twelve and a Half Years Later . . .

I remember the first time we came down from Al-Khor to see this house. It was very big compared to where we lived. The kitchen looked like a volleyball pit, and the saloon looked like we could have a soccer game in it. The yard was huge! I mean, we could dig up pools on all the sides. We all fell in love with this 6 bedroom house. March 2002, we packed our stuff and drove down to Doha, to start our new life in this wonderful house. I had just turned 9 three months before.

It is the end of August 2014, and we have been packing the house up for the past month to move somewhere new. After twelve and a half years the land owner tells us we have to move out because they want to demolish all the houses and build seven floor buildings instead.

I have a mix of emotions about this move. I am happy, and excited that we are going somewhere new. We all need the change, I guess. Our neighborhood is getting too crowded because it is being filled with buildings and so many people moving in, yet the streets are still small and tight.

I personally want to leave the whole area because stepping out on my street just brings back memories I want to forget. Driving by the little store at the end of the street drowns me with thoughts of people I need to let go of. So, with all that in mind, I am looking forward to this move.

However, twelve and a half years in a house was most of my life. This was my home away from my native country. Now, I have to learn to let these walls go.

Packing has been a pain. Can you imagine all the stuff a family of six can collect in twelve and a half years and completely forget about? I found things I never even remember having. In our storage rooms I found dozens of books, and teddy bears; an old Christmas tree and decorations; Lots of drawings, diaries, and framed photos that have completely slipped my mind. I found board games from elementary school and books of collector’s stamps that belonged to an uncle of mine and even graduation garments that belong to me and my siblings. I found old Halloween costumes and tapes from the ’90s, also a few instruments. I found a heater… God only knows why we even have a heater when we live in Qatar.

Now with only four people left in this house, and only two packing (three counting our housekeepers help), you can visualize the struggle. If working from 8am until 5pm wasn’t tiring enough, having to spend the rest of the night cleaning, putting boxes together, and organizing has been draining me.

Here I am now, three months before I turn 22 and I am going to call a new house, home. If I was moving countries that would be a lot better, but having to move and stay in Qatar… well, this is going to take a while to get use to.

Dog by my office

There is this dog that is always on the grass in front of my office. He’s very skinny yet such a pretty dog. I’m not sure of his breed, but he looks like a short haired collie and is brown in color. I put water out for him every day when I see him, and share half my sandwich with him.

Today after I placed water out for him, I watched him through the window to see his reaction for the first time. He got up and drank, and when he was done he wet his paws. The weather today got up to 52 degrees Celsius at 1:00pm so you can imagine how terribly hot it is outside, with the humidity at 75%! Anyways, after he wet his paws he went and flipped the bowl over to wet the grass and then began rolling in the wet grass for a good two minutes. My heart broke. How I wish I could take him in, give him a bath and place him in a cold, comfortable room. Honestly, I’m too scared to touch him because I do not know what kind of diseases he may have. Plus, I’m sure my parents would freak out if I got a stray dog home and mixed him with our two dogs.

Unfortunately, in Qatar, animal care is not at top priority. There are not many vets around the country, and the governments’ animal shelter and vet have very limited space and resources. I am, however, trying to contact places around town to see if anyone can pick him up, clean him, vaccinate him, then hopefully find a loving family for him.

I hate how there are so many stray cats and dogs around town. I wish people here would show more care towards them.

I Choose Love

In life, some people choose money to motivate them or help guide them in achieving what they want. Some people choose family, some people choose fame, and some people choose love.
I for one, choose love. Maybe I say that because I am choosing the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Actually, I’m pretty sure it is for the one I have willingly given my heart to.

In the past few years, everything and anything I planned for went the complete opposite way. I never thought at the age of 21 I would be where I am now. I guess God did not want me to go down the path I thought was the right one for me. Now, after the things I have accomplished, (graduating from college, getting my first accounting job in an amazing international company), I want to base my goals, or next steps in life you can say, on love.

In a few years’ time I could be extremely wrong and decide it was a horrible idea, but who knows if I will live to the day I may realize it was the wrong path to go down. It may not go the way I want it to, however, whichever way it goes, I know it will benefit me more than it will break me.
For now, I am happy with my decision, and I am still achieving what I want to achieve yet with a little twist, which I am completely okay with.

In the end, my happiness is what counts. Not what someone else may think about my decision, or how I plan to live my life.

My heart and soul spilled on a piece of paper

He said I was a great writer, but I had to disagree,
You see those words on paper, I said, are just my honesty.
They represent my heart poured out through the tip of the pen,
They represent my soul’s language, through how my hand held the pen.

For writers are creative, and full of imagination,
While I am just drunk off our moments and memories.

Writers spend days to perfect a piece.
I don’t worry about perfection,
Because I am not perfect,
And neither is my heart or soul,
And they are my guide to writing.

Through these alphabet I put side by side,
To create words, to help me describe,
My thoughts and feelings,
My love and addiction,
Towards you.

So I am not a writer really,
Not even a good one you see,
Because these words that make up meanings,
Are just my heart and soul
Spilled on a piece of paper,
For you.

Alone is where I will always be

I walk in the room,
and close the door behind me,
I feel like I have fallen into a cortex.

All of a sudden my scars are visible,
My wounds all open,
And I am sobbing,
Tears flow down my face.

My life hits me again,
You so far away,
And me all alone with my pain.

With you I am happy,
It shimmers from my eyes,
And shines from my smile;
You can see my love from the way I walk,
And the way I talk,
And the way I am at peace with you around me.

Yet when I’m home..
I’m all alone,
And alone is where I will always be..