But Then There Was Him…

As I grew, I began to realize the beauty of this world.
The beauty of the Lebanese sunrise on the mediterranean;
The beauty of a star filled sky in Lubbock;
The beauty of the Christmas lights on the houses in Chicago.

As I grew, I began to understand the beauty of this world.
The beauty of helping an elder cross the street;
The beauty of feeding a stray animal that sits at the corner of the office;
The beauty of watching family members walk through the airport gates as they come home after a long time.

As I grew, I experienced the beauty of this world.
The beauty of walking the stage at graduation;
The beauty that comes from excitement while on an airplane;
The beauty of feeling independent at my first real job.

As I grew, I thought I had understood what true beauty in this world was,
But then there was him…

At that moment, I learned how to feel beauty with every fiber in my being.
The beauty of his lips on mine;
The beauty of his fingers on my skin;
The beauty of his warm breath on my neck;
The beauty in the sound of his heartbeat.

At that moment, I learned how to feel beauty with every fiber in my being.
The beauty of his single dimple that makes my heart rush;
The beauty of his dark eyes that make me blush;
The beauty of his voice every time he says a word.
The beauty in his tight hugs when he doesn’t want me to go.

At that moment, I learned how to feel beauty with every fiber in my being.
The beauty of falling asleep in his arms;
The beauty of waking up to his kiss;
The beauty of the fire we ignite;
The beauty of the passion in our chest.

And now, I know,
that beauty I felt,
will never come again,
except from him.

The Second Stranger

Let me tell you about this man, you see, I met him only last week.

My brain is soaked in thoughts of him;
Words he said,
Looks he gave,
Hand gestures he made.

I close my eyes to imagine his face;
The way he stares,
The smile he wears,
The way he lights up when he speaks from the soul.

They told me he was a charmer, you see, but I didn’t believe.
I didn’t think I would get hooked so easily.

Now, I sit and think of him regularly.
I sit and wonder, if he thinks of me.

I’m limited with words and actions, you see.
Because this man works with me.

I analyze so much, of the time we spent together.
I analyze so much, of the words he whispered.
I analyze so much, of the comments he made.

But, yet again, maybe he’s just always that way.

Let me tell you one more thing about this man, you see, the one I only met last week.
His smile has me hooked,
His laugh has me mesmerized,
And his eyes? Yeah I can get lost in them all the time.

I am powerless

The thoughts in my head suffocate me.
I drown in the waves that your memories have created.
I try to paddle through but my closed eyes can only imagine you.

While my ears ring from all the horrid words you said,
I choke on the phrases I never let flow out.

I am soaked in sweat and fear,
As this nightmare takes over me.

My body is flooded with pain,
Inert I lay, incapable of waking up,
I am powerless.

She Drowns

She walks to her room,
Kicks off her shoes,
And right on to the mattress she rolls.

Gets under the blankets,
With her face stuffed in the pillow,
And down the tears stroll.

Trying to keep her breath steady,
And her voice on the low,
She breaks down all alone.

Her eyes shut tight,
She feels her heart is in pieces,
And in the pain of her memories she drowns.

What if. . .?

What if you could see people’s feelings through their eyes?
What if you could see the pieces of their broken heart?

Would you walk away?
Stay clear of the mess?

Or would you lend a helping hand?
Would you try to help them mend?

What if you could see people’s feelings through their eyes?
What if you could see the scars from their battered heart?

Would you turn around?
Would you go a separate way?

Or would you help them heal?
Would you hold them close all day?

What if you could see people’s feelings through their eyes?
What if you could see all the tears they cried?

Would you leave them astray?
Let them go their way?

Or would you wipe those tears with the palm of your hand?
Would you help them swim out of the puddle they are drowning in?

What if?
What if. . .?

High School Sweetheart

I took a deep breath and submitted,
After four long years I finally admitted,
I want to see him.

I want to see him see me,
That was the key.
Will he look me in the eye?
Or will he walk right past me?

All this time I wanted to give in,
To pick up the phone,
Would he answer when he saw me ringing?

Now that I know he’s back in town,
Should I reach out,
Or would I look like a clown?

Making a move after all these years,
Just to see if a part of his heart still beats for me.

Just to see how I would feel when I looked in his eyes,
Would I melt to the core?
I wouldn’t be surprised.

But maybe this time my heart and my mind will agree,
That there is no place for him inside of me.
That his presence won’t make me feel weak,
And his voice won’t be anymore unique.

Your voice is my strength

Suddenly one day, out of the blues I realized, your voice is the only voice that can calm me down. Your voice is the only voice that can truly put a smile on my face.

As I get depressed from different issues in my life I begin to isolate myself from friends and family. Other than my work colleagues (because I have to see them every morning), I avoid everyone once I get home. I lock myself in my room with a book and just disappear.

I try changing my mood myself. I turn some music on, but then that leads to sad music that puts me down even more. I turn on the TV but then you have all these romantic movies or happy family movies on every channel that make you feel worse.

Friends text me, and I avoid their messages as if I don’t have my phone with me. If I had to reply then I would lie saying I’m busy with work, or with the family, just because I don’t feel like putting on proper clothes and leaving the front door.

In the middle of all this isolation, I get a text from you and I can’t help but reply right that instance. You of course can tell when something is wrong even if I try to hide it through the letters of my words.

Even when I don’t want to hear my voice, I will talk for hours if it means I get to talk to you. On the phone, your voice smothers me with love and care. I feel more relaxed and free just by the sound of your laugh, or the funny noises you make to get me giggling. You can tell when I’m breaking down, and if I have cried that day just by the way I sound. No one can notice that like you. With me throwing random words out and not making sense at all, you still perfectly understand what I am trying to say.

That moment, that pure moment I realized, your voice is my strength. That specific moment I realized if it wasn’t for your voice and your care I would be at rock bottom not wanting to move or feel better.

Your voice gives me a reason to, smile and work hard. It gives me a reason to believe in a brighter future. That alone helps me get back up on my feet and gives me something to fight for when the whole world is crashing down on me.

My heart and soul spilled on a piece of paper

He said I was a great writer, but I had to disagree,
You see those words on paper, I said, are just my honesty.
They represent my heart poured out through the tip of the pen,
They represent my soul’s language, through how my hand held the pen.

For writers are creative, and full of imagination,
While I am just drunk off our moments and memories.

Writers spend days to perfect a piece.
I don’t worry about perfection,
Because I am not perfect,
And neither is my heart or soul,
And they are my guide to writing.

Through these alphabet I put side by side,
To create words, to help me describe,
My thoughts and feelings,
My love and addiction,
Towards you.

So I am not a writer really,
Not even a good one you see,
Because these words that make up meanings,
Are just my heart and soul
Spilled on a piece of paper,
For you.

Let yourself go

Let yourself go
Free your soul
Do something that excites you

Take a break from your stress
Step out of your mess
Find a way for you to express

Dance around
Sing out loud
Have a glass of wine or two

Whatever it is
Whatever you want
Do it, let it revive you

Get out of your grind
Let your brain unwind
Do something that chills out your state of mind

Run a bubble bath at home
Go to the salon
Buy something new and slip in on

Whatever it is
Whatever you want
Do it, let it relax you

Haunts my sleep

And once again, I don’t know how,
you reappear in my dreams.

It’s been months, no years, since we have crossed paths,
Yet somehow your memory comes to mind.

You have moved on,
And certainly, so have I.

Yet, your face, occasionally, still haunts my sleep.